Self control
by PaintedBlank
Summary: After a little talk with Mcgonagall the Marauders realize they have no self control. So they set out to prove her wrong by abstaining from sugar for a week.Sequel to Lazy Summer days sort of
1. A Prologue of sorts

A/N: This is sort of a sequel to my other fic Lazy Summer Days. You don't have to have read the other one to understand this one. The only difference between the two is that this one has a plot!  
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**Self control-  
A prologue of sorts**

Creak.

Bang.

Splash.

Whoosh.

A shriek was heard from down the hall, followed quickly by a woman yelling hoarsely.

"BLACK! Potter! Lupin! Pettigrew! My office! Now!"

Sirius, James, Remus and Peter started to tiptoe silently trying to sneak away from the mess they had created but had no such luck. For the very person they were trying to get away from was right in front of them. A very soggy someone.

"Professor! Excellent to see you!"

"I know it was you four. It's _always_ you four. You wouldn't be able to get away if you _tried_. My office, now," she barked. They were made to follow her squelching shoes all the way down the long corridor and into her office. She closed the door behind them and sat at her desk, fingers in a steeple surveying them.

"This is the seventh time this week I've had you in here and its only Tuesday. Couldn't you put those creative juices to use for something more worthwhile?"

"But Professor…" pleaded James.

"No, Potter. I'm adding another week of detentions to your already considerable list. The way you four are going you will be scrubbing floors during your final examinations! Now, out!

"Professor Mcgonagall…" tried Sirius.

"I don't want to hear it Black. If none of you can exercise a little self control I will continue handing out your detentions by the week. Get control of yourselves and maybe I will lessen the blow but until then my descision stands. 8 weeks. Separate detentions. I will let Mr. Filch know that you will be assisting him in the upcoming weeks," said the Professor.

The boys sighed collectively and started making their way to the door.

"And remember, it's Halloween next week. Have fun cleaning, boys," called out the Professor just before the door closed on their backs.

The boys started to make their way back to the Gryffindor common room, heads hung, hands in their pockets looking exceptionally glum. 8 weeks of cleaning the castle with their least favourite caretaker. Nothing, in their books could be worse.

"You know, this is all _your_ fault Sirius," complained Remus, "All of those stupid ideas were yours anyway."

"Well, if they were so stupid you didn't have to go along with them! I didn't force you to," retorted Sirius.

"Yes you did!" cried Remus.

"Well, then you didn't have to do everything so well," said Sirius turning up his nose and bumping into a wall.

"You know, she _could_ be right…" started James, "We really do have no self control. If we see an opportunity we jump right at it." Sirius stared at him disbelievingly.

"I cannot believe you are saying this. She is _never_ right. That's the rule. Don't listen to all that mumbo jumbo. We have self control. See right there," said Sirius pointing at Peter's butt as he bent down to pick something up.

"I didn't kick him over! That's a once in a life time sort of thing! I didn't follow the "Never spare a bender hit him where it's tender" rule. That's self control," said Sirius quite smugly.

"That's just one thing Padfoot. We need to try it on bigger things," said Remus.

"I don't know guys, Peter's bum _is_ pretty big," shrugged Sirius.

"Hey!" cried Peter covering up his arse protectively.

"No no! I think I understand what Remus is trying to say," said James.

"Well that's a first," muttered Remus.

"I heard that."

"Well go on, what were you saying?" asked Remus 'politely'.

"I was saying that I think I know what you were saying. Which waaaas…ahh I really don't remember what you were trying to say that I was trying to make Sirius understand before you cut me off,"

"Er…can I have a map to that sentence?" asked Peter.

"Ah! I've got it," said James triumphantly.

"The map? That was fast…"

"No, Peter. Well to show that we really have self control we should try keeping away from something. Something that we really like and use a lot, I guess you could call it abstinence. And Mcgonagall did say she would lessen the punishment if we displayed self control," said James.

"Well, yeah…that would be easy," said Sirius uncertainly.

"So all four of us abstain together? Would this be like a fast or something? Because my mother says I'm a growing boy and I need to eat," said Peter rubbing his belly.

"Peter you don't need to fast, you have the body of a god!" exclaimed Sirius.

"Do I really?"

"Yeah," sniggered Sirius, "too bad it's Buddha."

"Arsehole!" yelled Peter as he smacked Sirius.

"_Anyway_…what should we try and abstain from?" asked Remus.

"Well, we aren't old enough to drink yet so abstaining from alcohol is useless," said James.

"Oohh! We can abstain from reading," said Sirius excitedly.

"Yes, that would be smart, seeing as we're in _school_!" said Remus dryly, "And anyway, what if you read something by accident?"

"You've got a point there," sighed Sirius.

"What about water?" tried Peter.

"We'd die," said Remus.

"Sitting?" tried James.

"Professors would go crazy if we didn't sit in class," said Remus.

"Going outside?" asked Sirius.

"Herbology classes are outside," said Remus.

"Painting?" asked Peter hopefully.

"None of us paint," said Remus.

"Stop wearing pants?" suggested James.

"We'd get more detentions for being half nude in public," said Remus.

"Stop talking to Americans?" asked Sirius.

"There aren't any at school anyway that would never work. All your ideas blow!"

"Well we don't see you coming up with any ideas Mr. Hypocrite."

"Well I don't see any of you putting any thought behind your ideas," retorted Remus.

"You can't _see_ thinking, genius," said Peter.

"Argh!" yelled Remus throwing his hands into the air. They continued walking in silence until…

"Sugar," said Remus quite out of the blue.

"Bless you?" said Peter confused.

"No, I mean sugar! We can abstain from sugar."

"No, we can't," said Sirius.

"And why not?" asked Remus.

"That's like life blood to us! We can't do without blood. There's no way we can keep away from sugar," said Sirius frantically with lots of hand gestures.

"Well that's the point isn't it?" said James, "We can't do without it. We depend on it. Keeping away from it would mean we _do_ have self control."

"But…this could kill us! I never agreed to suicide! Are you with me Pete?"

"I don't know Sirius…I really don't want to be stuck with Filch for 8 weeks. And going on a sugarless diet would be good for me," said Peter rubbing his tummy.

"I can't believe this! This is mutiny!" cried Sirius hysterically.

"I think it's a great idea," said James.

"Me too," said Peter.

"Come on Sirius, please?" pleaded Remus.

"Pretty please with sugar on top?" asked Sirius.

"No! No sugar," said Remus.

"Fine, I'll do it. For the good of…for the good of what exactly?"

"Er...for the good of us I guess?" said James uncertainly.

"Well aren't we selfish bastards!"

"We should dedicate it to Minnie Mcgonagall herself, the woman who inspired us," piped in Peter.

"Hear hear! To Minnie Mcgonagall we dedicate our sugarlessness!" said James.

"And to Satan we dedicate our souls," said Sirius trying to join in the fun.

"No we don't you wanker!"

"I think not!"

"I kind of like my soul, thank you very much."

"Argh, fine no soul dedicating."

"Say, Moony this no sugar thing…how long do we have to keep this up?" asked Peter.

"Er…"said Remus pausing.

"I think a week should be more than enough," said James.

"And this includes anything with sugar in it?" asked Sirius.

"Anything and everything. No cake, chocolate, ice cream, sweets, desserts…you get the picture," said Remus.

"What about brown sugar?" asked Sirius hopefully.

"Nope, it's practically the same thing."

"There's a Hogsmeade visit this weekend," said James

"Well no Honeydukes for us then," said Remus, "It'll be good for us, health wise you know. I think Sirius is getting a bit of a paunch here." He poked Sirius' stomach to make his point.

"Am not!" said Sirius slapping Remus' hand away.

"Yeah… right. This is the Battle of the Bulge right here," said Remus poking him again.

"Quit poking me!"

"I'm just playing some Poker," said Remus, still poking him.

"Aaaargh!" screamed Sirius hiding behind James to avoid being poked.

"I've just thought of something guys," said Peter brightly.

"Oh bloody hell, duck and cover people," muttered James dryly.

"Nah, it isn't a prank idea this time," said Peter, "I was thinking that since tonight is the last night we can sugarize our food we should hit the kitchens."

"Might as well," said Remus.

"Yeah, I've been craving éclairs all week," said James.

"Mmm cheesecake," said Sirius dreamily.

"Pie is better fool," retorted Remus.

"You have got to be kidding me, nothing beats cheesecake. Smooth creamy texture with a crunchy bottom. Hell, that sounds like the perfect woman," mused Sirius.

"I can honestly say I've never met a woman with a crunchy bottom…" said Remus as they made their way to the kitchens.  
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A/N: Well then...Hope you liked it. Please review. And whoever didn't like it, please review. It's simple.


	2. Day 1: Carrots and honey

A/N: I'm sooo sorry its late, school is getting pretty busy lately and I had horrible writers block. But here it is!

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**Day 1**

**Breakfast...**

"Is it just me or is everyone eating cake for breakfast?" asked James.

"Just you," mumbled Sirius not looking up from his plate.

"Good lord, everyone really _is_ eating cake," exclaimed Remus.

"Is this the first sign of sugar deficit?" asked Peter worriedly looking around, "We're starting to see things aren't we?"

"You're all paranoid, not everyone is eating cake. See, look over there that first year in Ravenclaw…not eating cake," said Sirius

"Look around you everyone but us is eating cake," pointed out James. At that moment Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat and the hall went silent.

"As some of you might have noticed there seems to be an abundance of cakes and other assorted desserts on the table today. Our house elves miscalculated and made all the Halloween desserts a week early. Don't worry though; they have assured me that this mistake will not affect the desserts for next week's festivities and they will work doubly hard on those. I trust that all of you will lend a helping hand in finishing off the excess dessert for the next week That is all," he said and then sat down. His words were met by a roar of approval from the students.

"I can't believe we picked this week for this stupid abstinence stint," complained Sirius loudly.

"_I_ can't believe you can even look at a cake after that sugar fest last night," said Remus.

"Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder?" tried Sirius.

"Yeah whatever, flabby. So, will we be telling Mcgonagall about our one week plan?" asked Remus.

"We probably should."

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**17 minutes later…**

"Is she still laughing?" moaned Peter sitting outside Mcgonagall's office

"Cackling more like, the evil witch," grumbled James.

"I think her hair actually came out of its bun when she went into hysterics," said Remus closing the door to the office behind him.

"You know, in the beginning I think she was actually listening…," said Sirius thoughtfully as the door to the office flung open and hit him in the back. Mcgonagall appeared in the doorframe, hair disheveled and a face as red as something that's really red.

"On your feet, Black. I _did _listen to what you four had to say and I'm glad that you're trying. I might even agree to reduce your "sentence" if you succeed and all I have left to say is that I wish you luck. Now, get to class!" and with that she closed the door behind her.

"She doesn't think we can do it does she?" asked Peter.

"Not a snowball's chance in hell," said Sirius shaking his head.

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**Divination**

"All I see is waterfalls in your future," said James shaking his head.

"So, I'm going to get wet?" asked Sirius.

"Either that or you're going downhill," said James.

"Are there rocks at the bottom of the falls?"

"I really can't tell from this angle, what do you see for me?" asked James.

"A flowery pink bag," snorted Sirius.

"What? My mother has one. Am I going to turn into my mother? Is that what you see? Tell me, you madman!" said James as he shook Sirius violently.

"Potter, Black. No violent shaking in my class, get out," called the teacher from the other side of the room, "And Black, try not to bang into my desk."

Sirius promptly banged into her desk and upset some crystal balls on it that went rolling in every direction.

"How does she do that?" asked Sirius astounded.

"You bang into that desk every time you leave this class, it doesn't take a Seer to 'see' that," said James shaking his head.

"Well it isn't my fault that desk is so well camouflaged against the wall," complained Sirius as they made their way down the stairs.

"The desk is yellow," said James.

"Yeah…"

"The wall is black."

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**Ancient Runes**

Due to lack of sustenance (sugar) our favourite full-moon-challenged Marauder is having trouble concentrating and nothing the teacher is saying is making any sense to him. His brain feels foggy and he puts his head on the desk and proceeds to take a power nap.

Beside him sits our vertically-challenged Marauder who up until now does not understand why he is taking Ancient Runes. But for once the class is making sense to him, everything is starting to click. He's already answered the teacher many times this class and even corrected him once. Everything is so clear to him. Why hasn't he thought of all these things before? He feels like writing poetry, in fact he even jots down an entire Petrarchan sonnet in perfect iambic pentameter as a footnote to his Ancient Runes' notes.

The bell rings and he packs up his things. The two boys make their way down the hall together. One complaining about his fogginess and one reveling in new found genius-ness (he's not sure whether that's a word either).

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**In the dorm…**

By evening Sirius was cracking, Remus had regained his cool; Peter had his hands on _"The High Philosophies of Merlin"_,and James was grouchily drinking his third cup of coffee.

He had put sugar in his first cup and had to throw it out. His second cup had been caffeinated. Thus, him being on his third cup, which was sugarless and decaffeinated

Sirius was rocking back and forth claiming he would die if he did not have a chocolate bar. He also claimed wild cows left their panties under his bed (How else could they have gotten there?).

Remus was also rocking back and forth…on a rocking chair, reading some book. His mind had cleared and he now seemed totally unfazed. He was evening taking notes about the book he was reading. Mad fellow.

Peter had finished his book and his homework, he was now writing a recipe for stuffed chicken.

"Insert the stuffing via the tube into the recipient…" said he biting the end of his quill.

"We should just call this whole thing off, we officially picked the worst week to do this in," complained Sirius, "Did any of you realize it's my birthday tomorrow? What will my cake be made of? Carrots and honey?"

"It's _not_ your birthday tomorrow, moron," grumped James.

"It is too! It's my half birthday, I always celebrate it. It's a pureblood thing."

"_I'm_ pureblood, I do no such thing," argued James.

"Are you pure pure pureblood?" asked Sirius.

"I'm not _that_ inbred."

"Well, it's a pure pure pureblood thing. There should be an exception for me. I deserve a half birthday cake. None of you even got me presents."

"No cake for you, no exceptions," stated Remus simply.

"A half birthday? What's the point? You pure pure purebloods squander your time with all these useless archaic traditions! Arrrgh!" cried Peter.

"Err…right Peter," said Sirius eyeing him and backing away.

Silence.

"But it's my special half day…"whined Sirius.

"No cake, no eating, screw you," grunted James, who was now on his bed trying to get some sleep.

"You know…" started Remus.

"No! We don't know and we don't want to know. Sssh!" came the muffled shout from James with his head under a pillow.

"Well, it's an hour to midnight, we could make that cake for him ourselves," said Remus.

"Yes, make me a cake make me a cake!" chanted Sirius jumping up and down in his seat.

"What? We're making him a cake anyway? If we make one exception, there'll be more and soon enough this will be anarchy!" cried Peter.

"Peter! Calm down, and stop using big words," said Remus, "We won't be putting any sugar in it."

"Ah yes, make it ourselves so that the cake shall contain none of the banned substance, therefore he won't be able to cheat," said Peter blowing on his bubble pipe.

"He's freaking me out man," sad James to Remus who nodded in agreement.

"Sirius, meet us in the kitchens in half an hour," said Remus as he hauled James out of bed and kicked him out the door.

The three of them went on their way leaving Sirius still rocking (in the free world)…back and forth.

**45 minutes later in the kitchens**

"Peter, just stall him for a little while longer, we're almost done," yelled Remus frantically.

"Where do I stick this? Where?" shrieked James waving a candle about.

"Just stick it beside the cake! Alright Peter let him in," hollered Remus.

"I can't believe you went through all the…_what is that_?" shrieked Sirius.

"Just what you asked for…"said James simply.

"…A half birthday cake with carrots and honey," continued Remus.

"It looks more like half a carrot with half a bottle of honey emptied on it and half a candle that isn't even lit…" stated Sirius.

"We were going for the half theme," nodded James as Remus lit the candle.

"This took you guys the better part of an hour to complete?" asked Sirius incredulously.

"Peter was being a perfectionist, while cutting the carrot. None of the carrots were ever exactly in half for him," replied Remus.

"Now blow the bloody candle out so we can get out of here, it's late," sighed Remus.

"Give me a minute," said Sirius holding up a hand to stall. James blew out the candle when Sirius wasn't looking.

"Your candle has gone out. I saw the bastard wind that did it too, it went that way," said James pointing left, "Now eat your carrot, we have classes tomorrow."

Sirius promptly stuffed the carrot into his mouth and they headed back to the dormitory.

"Is it just me or do we seem to end every chapter in the kitchens?" asked Peter.

"Chapter? What are you on about?" said Sirius.

"I don't know, but for a moment there I was almost certain that we were just characters in some elaborate story. You know, part of someone's imagination?" said Peter.

"And to think, we thought you were the normal one," tutted Remus.

* * *

Oh my god! YAY! I finally got this up! My computer crashed three times while I wrote this. I lost 3 pages that I had to re-write and then my bastard internet didn't want to work. I might love my computer Bertha like a sister but I wanted to strangle her last night.

Now you had better review after all that trouble I went through.


	3. Day 2: Asinine and wenis

A/N: I'm sorry this took so loooong! I had it written up for about a week but it really sucked so I had to go back and edit it and add stuff to it. Plus, holy crap is grade 11 ever hard. I have at least 3 tests a week now it seems.

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**  
Day 2- Thursday**

"Padfoot, wake up!" said Peter. The only response he got from his comatose friend was a few mumbles and grunts. Obviously his method of whispering in Sirius' ear seductively was not working.

"We are so incredibly late for class, Sirius," fretted Peter, now poking his friend. This time Sirius mumbled in his sleep…

"Call me Loretta…"

Shocked, Peter turned to Remus, "You wake him up."

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**At Breakfast**

"Something's up, there has to be. I haven't seen them this quiet since that one week last year when they all caught laryngitis at the same time," said Lily conspiringly.

"Why do they keep checking nutrition labels on everything?" asked her obnoxious sidekick uhm…Kristy, "Oh my god, you don't think they're becoming anorexic do you?" (Valley girl)

"Maybe they're on a new diet?" suggested Lily, "The way they get into all the same things just makes them look like a brainless cult. Remember last week with their hula-hoop frenzy?"

"Boys are asinine," nodded valley girl.

"You've been reading your 'word-a-day calendar' haven't you?" asked Lily.

**Further down the table…**

"James, pass the butter," yelled the now wide-awake Sirius (Remus woke him up with out of tune violin music).

"The butter is nowhere close to me," yelled back James.

"Not you, the other James," said Sirius.

"Who?"

"James, in 5th year," said Sirius pointing at J2, "Oh thank you, James."

"No problem," said J2 who had just handed Sirius the butter.

"How long has he been here?" asked J1.

"5 years."

"Holy hell, I've never noticed him before," said a slightly flustered J1

"I don't understand why you didn't. He is the better looking James after all," said Sirius buttering his toast.

SPLAT

"That comment did not justify you putting my head into the butter dish!" spluttered Sirius.

"Hey," said Remus who had just entered the Great Hall, "Why is he covered in butter?"

"Well to summarize – S calls J2 for butter, J1 confused, S says J2 better looking J1 pushes S's head into butter dish," replied Peter, not even looking up from his bland sugarless cereal.

"Oh James has finally met James then?" asked Remus.

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**Charms Class**

"I'm miserable," said James.

"Good news, class. Today we're working on Cheering Charms," said Flitwick. (Plot convenience? Very much so.)

"Those who get the charm right on their first try get a whole box of assorted chocolates," said the professor brightly.

This brought forth a collective groan from the four sitting at the back.

Unfortunately for them they all got it on their first try, much to their dismay.

**At the front of the Charms class…**

"I just don't get it. Why would they all refuse perfectly good, not to mention free, chocolate?" asked Lily.

"Maybe they're all allergic to it or something?" said dummy Mcdumb dumb herself, Kristy.

"No, they've eaten chocolate before, Kristy."

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**Defense against the Dark Arts**

"I hate this," muttered James smiling.

"I hate you," said Sirius smiling.

"I hate school," said Peter… smiling.

"I'm going to hex the next one that complains," said Remus also smiling.

The 'Cheering Charm' hadn't worn off yet and James felt like dancing.

"Hey Peter, you're part Polish aren't you?" asked James.

"About…6, why?" replied Peter. To which James replied by dancing around Peter shouting, "Look at me I'm Pole-dancing!"

"Good lord, Sirius get him away from the Peter. People are beginning to stare," sighed Remus.

The Defense teacher walked in and everyone went silent. This teacher had a reputation for always being very on edge. He began teaching in his normal rapt manner, not paying much attention to his students.

"You four," he snapped suddenly, pointing at the fearsome foursome, "What is your problem today?"

"Nothing is wrong, sir," squeaked Pettigrew still smiling.

"You're all quiet for once…almost too quiet and all smiles. What are you planning?" asked the teacher suspiciously.

"Really, sir, _nothing_ is going on," said Remus.

"Potter's hair is lying flat and you expect me to believe nothing is going on? Detention, all of you, for suspicious behavior. Now get out of my class."

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**Herbology**

"Class, today we will be procuring sugar from sugar canes," said Professor Sprout vibrantly.

"Alright, that's it! There is no way all of this is just coincidence. First the box of chocolates as a reward, now sugar cane procuring? Sugar cane doesn't even grow here! Mcgonagall is tipping them off," whispered Remus.

"She's trying to break us down men, but we won't let her. Will we?" whispered James fiercely.

"We'll win this yet," said Sirius

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**Stuff Happens…**

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**Common room in the evening**

"This day has been hell," moaned James all wrapped up in a blanket and sitting by the window, "I stepped on gum today."

"So?" asked Sirius.

"I almost licked my shoe for the sugar," said James hitting his head against the window, "I think I strained something trying to bend that way.

"Ha, oh that sucks. At least it wasn't on your elbow?" said Sirius.

"Why is that a bad thing?" asked Peter.

"…Because you can't lick your elbow, it's like a law of lobotomy or something,"

"I can lick mine, look," said Peter.

"Oh my gods, your tongue is humongadungous!

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"Peter just licked his wenis," said Kristy observantly.

"What?" spurted Lily looking around.

"His elbow."

"You said wenis."

"That's what the skin on your elbow is called."

"Have you been reading off your 'weird fact of the day calendar' again?" asked Lily suspiciously.

"Yes…"

"That's a really stupid name for your elbow skin. Imagine the things you could twist that into.

'My wenis wiggles when I wave goodbye' or 'Would you like to fondle my wenis?' or 'My wenis stretches' or 'Can you see my wenis through this shirt?'" said Lily laughing her head off.

"I don't get it," said Kristy.

Awkward silence.

"Hey did you know the skin on the _inside_ of your elbow is called a wagina?" asked Kristy wide eyed. Lily burst out laughing again.

----------------------------

"Peter, have you lost weight?" asked James curiously.

"Are you trying to say I _was_ fat?"

"I'm just saying you look…thinner."

"Now I'm _thin_?"

"I'm just going to shut up," said James.

"Where is Remus? I haven't seen him since we decorated Mcgonagall's office with sugar canes," said Sirius.

"By the way, I don't think it was necessary to kidnap her goldfish," said James pointedly to Sirius.

"Fish and I are getting along handsomely, thank you very much," said Sirius trying to pet Fish.

"You named him Fish?" asked Peter.

"I named _her_ Fish," said Sirius, "Now, I repeat. Remus, where?"

"He said something about the kitchens to me," said Peter.

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**5 minutes later, in the kitchens…**

Sirius had just tickled the pear and walked into the kitchens. The room were empty, the light was dim and he couldn't see Remus anywhere. But there was a faint rustling sound in the corner…

'_Vermin perhaps? I should tell Dumbledore…"_

_  
_He walked further into the room and there he sat in the far corner where the candlelight couldn't reach him

"Remus?" he asked softly.

"Oh god, Sirius!" said Remus looking up at him, his face smeared in chocolate. His teeth were indistinguishable under all that goo and chocolate wrappers surrounded him.

"Don't tell James! I can't do this! I'm not strong like you. I...I just couldn't last! I thought I could do it but I'm so weak!" cried Remus.

"You cheated? You broke the bet?" said Sirius.

"I need chocolate, I couldn't concentrate without it!"

"Sirius, say something? Will you ever forgive me?"

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!" said Sirius scandalized.

* * *

A/N: That took waay too long to write. Oh and those who don't like Lily's inclusion into the story...don't worry I have a delectable plot twist coming up. Thanks a lot to all the reviewers and especially RaspberryPolarBear for helping me through my writers block.  
REVIEW and I promise next chapter will be a hell of a lot better!  



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